Today is Saturday.

I woke up around five and the rain greeted my morning.

The sound of rain in the morning gives a soothing relaxation effect. So, don't want to miss a chance, I grab my morning coffee– the real coffee, while listening Magnolia from The Innocent Man OST. Such a perfect Saturday that led my desire to write something deep.

Yesterday, following up my social media detox program, I deactivated my personal Instagram.

A few of my friend thought me exaggerated with this and continuously asked what happened with me. Sorry for my social anxiety, actually, I am fine. I never struggle to be friendly and outgoing. I’m interested in other people, easily introduce myself with new people I encounter and I’m eager to share my thoughts and experiences with others too. I used to be very outgoing and can’t stop talking, – now still, but now I think I was selective mute as a kid. I don’t know why or how I changed exactly. Maybe that changed because I eventually not found people who were like me and whom I could be myself with. Or maybe I just had poor verbal skills and it decreases with age. I really don’t know. I had work acquaintances but no real friends. 

I like spending time alone. A lot.

But, am I a loner? 

Probably not.

I just realised that everyone is living in their own vivid live. 

But most of us do need other people– to some extent, thinking introversion as maladaptive habit, depressed or in extremely anxiety state. It isn't always like that, like me who doesn't understand why there are people who have to be accompanied to go to the bookstore, people often misinterpret solitude as loneliness too. It is mutual but not the same. Loneliness is a signal that someone need more togetherness but, Real Loners just don’t need others. 

As an introvert, a small social circle can full-fill all my needs. I don’t have a huge number of contacts but still feel socially connected. Most people use to not needing others. Most people don't like being burden-er. I am alone because I am so self-sufficient that other people just aren’t on my emotional map. I am just a happy person who’s found the right balance between solitude and togetherness. 

If you are asking, why is someone really like spending so much time alone?

It might be because she is trying to become someone new. If you find someone whose needing time away from social ties, it might mean that person entering a new phase of her life. She might be at a point in her life where she just want more space. 

But there is one thing that I aware for being alone, the Real Solitude is a "highly-risk activity". It can make me blind from ‘what happened in this world?, and turn into isolation person.